With a private chartered plane (Fokker 50) fifty Dutch representatives took off to Belfast. As we were all not afraid to be dropped off like packages in the North Sea (you'll never know!) we headed to our three day conference in Belfast in Northern Ireland. I dont know about the others but I was full of expectations of this country with an enormous political and religious history, the country where one of my most favorite bands, Clannad, comes from and of course the beautiful landscapes and not to forget the Irish whisky.
The organiser of the conference, The British Council, had done a good job. 50 Dutch and 50 English executives from multinationals like Shell, BP, Akzonobel, TNT and Marsh, professors, politicians, headhunters and journalists gathered to talk about Trust, Social Cohesion and the State of the country in an economic downturn.
What I felt already in the plane was the energy of the group. There was a 'positive vibe'. Everybody wanted to share his or her ideas with the one sitting next to him or her. Of course everybody had his own interests to come to the conference but I could also sense that we went to Belfast with an open sight. We were ready to exchange points of view and learn from each other.
It was one of the best conferences I attended. Not because of the outcome (we did come up with exact ideas on how to bring real improvements on our lives, and we tried to come up with ideas how to forecome the risk that our societies become increasingly closed and self-interested) or the new people I met, but because I learned so much about Northern Ireland and it's dramatic history.
As soon as we landed on Irish soil, we were picked up by the bus, not to go to our hotel and check in comfortably, but to go to one of the most famous warzones in the world. We were on a walking excursion of Belfast's conflict and reconciliation landmarks which were guided by members of Epic (UVF/Red Hand Commando ex-prisoners) and Coiste (IRA ex-prisoners).
It was so surprising to hear both sides of the story. Eventhough both of the guides assured us that they would tell their story honestly and objectively, which you could tell of course was not the case. The IRA ex-prisoner had been in jail for fourteen years and he could tell his story so vividly that sometimes I thought that he used this job for therapeutic reasons. The royalist ex-prisoner had been in prison for sixteen years and tried to tell his side of the story more objectively.
I think the whole group will agree with me: there was still so much pain and anger in these men and in these streets. Suddenly all the images I had seen on television, as a child, revived. They made me sick and sad. I saw the bombs and fire and innocent people fleeing from their houses. And last Sunday I saw on every corner of the street plaquets on the doors of the houses in memory of the victims. I tried to relate to people in Northern Ireland who lost loved ones, about the madness, the pain, the sadness and the emptiness.
A lot of Europeans (and the rest of the world) probably don't know that the wall is still there. I am curious when this wall will ever be removed. Reports tell us that trust and social cohesion in Northern Ireland are now stronger than they have been for a long time. But we felt something else. While we were walking there an Irish man made the comment that the wall was not high enough. And that is exactly what we felt too: that it only needs just one argument, one point of discussion to start a whole new war. For us, the Irish conflict is already history, but for the people in Belfast still so fresh.
The troubles in Northern Ireland started fourty years ago and probably it will take double the amount of time to heal the pain.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Businessbabes
I don't know about you but I LOVE lists! TOP 500 richest people in the world, top 100 most sexy men or Top 50 most powerful women in the world. In the summer of 2006 for my magazine SEN I made my first Top-list. It was the top 10 of most powerful muslimwomen. Everybody was surprised about that. Not only because of the idea of such a list (why not?) but also because a lot of people didn't expect to put muslim women in that order and in such context. It was a surprising article. Last weekend The Financial Times came up with a women issue AND of course a list: The top women in world business. Surprising results for European women: only 15 women are from, what we call, the most emancipated continent in the world. Well, that doesn't count for this list. The only Dutch name I could see was of Wolters Kluwer, the media company led by an American (and not Dutch!) woman Nancy McKinstry. So, no Dutch names on this list. To me, as a Turkish girl, it was very nice to read that the fifth businessbabe was a Turkish woman, Guler Sabanci.She was also on my list in 2006 and it's nice to know that Turkish businesspower is in the hands of a woman. It shouldn't be a surprise, as the article is written by an American magazine, that the list counted 16 American chief executives. The rest of the Financial Times's ranking of the world's 50 most powerful and succesful businessgirls consisted of..of course you already guessed: Chinese, Indian and Singaporese women.
The article explains how the rankings were judged and I assume that the writer did profound research. For European women, and especially the Dutch, who still prefer working parttime, this should be the main evidence that as long as men rule business and politics, we as women have no power at all. The key solution remains that we should work more and harder to get key-positions. Probably (and most likely) my message will not be heard, as it is the case for decades. Just like other feminists have been doing half a century, I will still be talking to 'dovemansoren'.(translation in English: 'deafman's ears').
The article explains how the rankings were judged and I assume that the writer did profound research. For European women, and especially the Dutch, who still prefer working parttime, this should be the main evidence that as long as men rule business and politics, we as women have no power at all. The key solution remains that we should work more and harder to get key-positions. Probably (and most likely) my message will not be heard, as it is the case for decades. Just like other feminists have been doing half a century, I will still be talking to 'dovemansoren'.(translation in English: 'deafman's ears').
Friday, September 11, 2009
Fair play
I hoped that I would never write about this topic again, but since it's hot topic, I can't stay behind and watch it all coming over me..It's all about this piece of cotton..
Yes, since two weeks the headscarf-issue is back in Europe again. It started with the demonstration of Belgian women who were against the ban of the headscarf at their University. But unlucky for them, The Belgian newspaper De Standaard writes today that the General Council for Schools has forbidden the headscarf.
And because Holland is not really far away from Belgium (we call Belgium sometimes our backyard), since a week we have the same debates and discussions. The chair of the left green party Groen Links, Femke Halsema, said in an interview, that even though she is a liberal socialist and stands for freedom of religion, she wished that fewer women would wear the veil.
Hundreds of Dutch people reacted on this interview and one of them is Mrs. Bennema. She is furious about what the left politician Halsema had said. How on earth could she think that muslim women who wear headscarfs are suppressed and wear this veil unvoluntarily. Out of solidarity she suggested in the online version of the daily newspaper Trouw that we would all wear the veil for a day.
Well, my reaction is:
I sure believe that a lot of women wear their headscarves because it's their own choice. And I want to show that I respect them. So, I am ready to wear a veil for one day but only if they want to take off their veil, also for a day. Just out of solidarity. Fair play, not?
Yes, since two weeks the headscarf-issue is back in Europe again. It started with the demonstration of Belgian women who were against the ban of the headscarf at their University. But unlucky for them, The Belgian newspaper De Standaard writes today that the General Council for Schools has forbidden the headscarf.
And because Holland is not really far away from Belgium (we call Belgium sometimes our backyard), since a week we have the same debates and discussions. The chair of the left green party Groen Links, Femke Halsema, said in an interview, that even though she is a liberal socialist and stands for freedom of religion, she wished that fewer women would wear the veil.
Hundreds of Dutch people reacted on this interview and one of them is Mrs. Bennema. She is furious about what the left politician Halsema had said. How on earth could she think that muslim women who wear headscarfs are suppressed and wear this veil unvoluntarily. Out of solidarity she suggested in the online version of the daily newspaper Trouw that we would all wear the veil for a day.
Well, my reaction is:
I sure believe that a lot of women wear their headscarves because it's their own choice. And I want to show that I respect them. So, I am ready to wear a veil for one day but only if they want to take off their veil, also for a day. Just out of solidarity. Fair play, not?
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Shame
I have lived in the Netherlands for more than thirty years but never lost my interest in the political issues in Turkey. Especially lately I try to follow the developments regarding women’s issues, emancipation but also radicalization.
And what I hear and read lately doesn’t comfort me at all.
It started with the news about the two youngsters being hit by a IETT busdriver while they were heading home from school. Let me get clear that IETT is the public transportation company of Istanbul. The two young people, a 17 year old boy and his girlfriend were sitting next to each other in the bus and the guy had put his head on the girl’s chest. Obviously they were in love and expressed this. What is more beautiful than to see two young people in love? Can you see any harmness in this? I can’t.
But these youngsters were being observed by the busdriver, who probably didn’t like what he saw in his mirror. Instead of trying to drive safe and clear, he decided that he couldn’t allow the behaviour of these youngsters in the bus. So he stopped the bus (which was full at that time) and walked towards the young boy and girl. He smashed with naked hand the boy and shouted at him:’This is not the place to make love, you understand me?’.
If I would be sitting in that bus, I would be FURIOUS! FURIOUS! FURIOUS!
Which right does this stranger think he has to hit a boy who was just being in love? He wasn’t doing anything wrong, he was respectful, he didn’t damage anybody or anything, didn’t he? And he is old enough to be in love and decide what to do with his girlfriend.
Lucky for me (and those who share my opinion), there was a very brave advocate sitting in the bus. She stood up and said to the busdriver that he didn’t have any right to hit the young man. Nor did he have the right to tell them what was decent about their behaviour. The driver said that he didn’t allow this kind of behaviour in HIS bus (again: it’s not his bus, it’s the public’s) and that they can complaint at the terminal. The advocate immediately directed to the young couple that she would help them, for free, but she could only do that if they would lodge a complaint against him for molestation.
I know she has the best intentions, but she could have known that they would never do that. These young people probably considered the bus the only safe place where they could probably be together without being seen by their parents or their family. If they would charge the busdriver, everybody in Turkey would know about their relationship. So, the chances that they would lodge a complaint against the busdriver was practically ZERO.
The advocate sent a letter to the City Council of Istanbul to explain the situation. And that she would never accept the fact that there will be some ‘moral police’ in the public transports of Istanbul. She also sent this letter to a well-known columnist, Ece Temelkuran. Temelkuran, which I consider as one of Turkey’s best journalists, published the letter in her daily column in Milliyet. In the column she and the advocate called for the young people to get in touch with them, so they could fight for justice.
As I said earlier, the boy or the girl never responded (Zero remains Zero), because they were afraid. So now they were not only afraid for their parents, but they were also being terrorised by some strange people who had nothing to do with them.
I always said to myself, that I would NEVER EVER allow other people than my own parents to tell me what to do and how to behave. Let alone, a busdriver of the IETT.
It’s a big shame that this is happening in Turkey. And I am afraid this will not be the last time. But it also gives me hope when I hear that there are people like the advocate and the journalist who will always protect our secular system.
I pray to God that Turkey will not become a foreign territory for me.
And what I hear and read lately doesn’t comfort me at all.
It started with the news about the two youngsters being hit by a IETT busdriver while they were heading home from school. Let me get clear that IETT is the public transportation company of Istanbul. The two young people, a 17 year old boy and his girlfriend were sitting next to each other in the bus and the guy had put his head on the girl’s chest. Obviously they were in love and expressed this. What is more beautiful than to see two young people in love? Can you see any harmness in this? I can’t.
But these youngsters were being observed by the busdriver, who probably didn’t like what he saw in his mirror. Instead of trying to drive safe and clear, he decided that he couldn’t allow the behaviour of these youngsters in the bus. So he stopped the bus (which was full at that time) and walked towards the young boy and girl. He smashed with naked hand the boy and shouted at him:’This is not the place to make love, you understand me?’.
If I would be sitting in that bus, I would be FURIOUS! FURIOUS! FURIOUS!
Which right does this stranger think he has to hit a boy who was just being in love? He wasn’t doing anything wrong, he was respectful, he didn’t damage anybody or anything, didn’t he? And he is old enough to be in love and decide what to do with his girlfriend.
Lucky for me (and those who share my opinion), there was a very brave advocate sitting in the bus. She stood up and said to the busdriver that he didn’t have any right to hit the young man. Nor did he have the right to tell them what was decent about their behaviour. The driver said that he didn’t allow this kind of behaviour in HIS bus (again: it’s not his bus, it’s the public’s) and that they can complaint at the terminal. The advocate immediately directed to the young couple that she would help them, for free, but she could only do that if they would lodge a complaint against him for molestation.
I know she has the best intentions, but she could have known that they would never do that. These young people probably considered the bus the only safe place where they could probably be together without being seen by their parents or their family. If they would charge the busdriver, everybody in Turkey would know about their relationship. So, the chances that they would lodge a complaint against the busdriver was practically ZERO.
The advocate sent a letter to the City Council of Istanbul to explain the situation. And that she would never accept the fact that there will be some ‘moral police’ in the public transports of Istanbul. She also sent this letter to a well-known columnist, Ece Temelkuran. Temelkuran, which I consider as one of Turkey’s best journalists, published the letter in her daily column in Milliyet. In the column she and the advocate called for the young people to get in touch with them, so they could fight for justice.
As I said earlier, the boy or the girl never responded (Zero remains Zero), because they were afraid. So now they were not only afraid for their parents, but they were also being terrorised by some strange people who had nothing to do with them.
I always said to myself, that I would NEVER EVER allow other people than my own parents to tell me what to do and how to behave. Let alone, a busdriver of the IETT.
It’s a big shame that this is happening in Turkey. And I am afraid this will not be the last time. But it also gives me hope when I hear that there are people like the advocate and the journalist who will always protect our secular system.
I pray to God that Turkey will not become a foreign territory for me.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
UT students
Today I felt a little bit tired, so I layed down. As a woman with mediterranean roots it's very normal to have some siesta. Fortyfive minutes later I got up, still tired and a little bit depressed, that's how I feel always after a quick nap. And everytime I say to myself I shouldn't be sleeping during daytime anymore.. But something made me very happy when I got up. I walked to the front door as I could see my mail was delivered. There were two big envelopes, both of them orange brown. I recognized these envelopes, they were from the University of Texas.
You can imagine how curious I got, and nothing of my fatigue was left.. So I opened the envelopes immediately which were full with letters of the students to whom I had a reading for. One by one, they were so touching. I didn't know that I had made such an impact on them. Most of the letters were written by female students, only one was sent by a male student. It touched me, because it made me realize that stories really don't have boundaries. And I was touched by two more things: that the students took the time to send me a letter. And the second thing was that the UT took the effort to send the letters to me. I want to share these letters with you. Just to prove that people all around the world need rolemodels, no matter where they come from. It's beautiful to realize how much we can identify ourselves in people we are separated from. Even if it's thousands of miles away..
You can imagine how curious I got, and nothing of my fatigue was left.. So I opened the envelopes immediately which were full with letters of the students to whom I had a reading for. One by one, they were so touching. I didn't know that I had made such an impact on them. Most of the letters were written by female students, only one was sent by a male student. It touched me, because it made me realize that stories really don't have boundaries. And I was touched by two more things: that the students took the time to send me a letter. And the second thing was that the UT took the effort to send the letters to me. I want to share these letters with you. Just to prove that people all around the world need rolemodels, no matter where they come from. It's beautiful to realize how much we can identify ourselves in people we are separated from. Even if it's thousands of miles away..
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Guys Talk
I was just zapping between tv-networks till I saw on the Turkish TRT two interesting men sitting on a terrace-garden talking together, very easily about music. I had never seen this on Dutch television: two guys talking about music. About how they made music, but more also about how they experienced it. They were not ordinary guys but renowned Turkish musicians. One was Kerem Gorsev, a jazz pianist from Istanbul. The other guy was Burhan Ocal, a percussionist, who was also the host of the talkshow.
What made me just watch them and stop zapping was this fascinating chemics between these two guys. Once again, I had never seen this on Dutch tv, it was new to me..Both of the men were hyperactive, or probably it always seems like that with Turkish people talking. Turkish language is a very fast language and when people are enthousiastic about their own work they talk even faster. The smile on the face of Kerem Gorsev was contagious, I kept smiling at him while he was chatting with his fellow musician. Him, Burhan Ocal, was more the type of Lyle Lovett, he looked very interesting.
What made the interview very fascinating was how they talked to each other, their interaction with each other. The best moment was when Kerem Gorsev, the jazz pianist, told about his new production which would be released in 2011. He explained why it would take so long, which is (according to me) very normal for cd's. But the reaction of the tv-host was GORGEOUS.. He said: I have to finish my cd by the end of this year. The producer is waiting for it, but I really don't know how to manage this.. And while he was saying this, you could see him really worrying. How his guest, Kerem Gorsev, reacted, I really don't know.. because I was still thinking about this worrying tv-host...
But to me this was GREAT TV! These guys were having a wonderful conversation together and by now and then they forgot the cameras were on. For me, as a girl, it was the first time I could witness an ordinary 'guys talk'. Beautiful!! If it's going to be on youtube, I will definitely let you know. Because everybody should see it.
More information about Kerem Gorsev: http://www.keremgorsev.com/bio-e.htm
More information about Burhan Ocal: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burhan_%C3%96%C3%A7al
What made me just watch them and stop zapping was this fascinating chemics between these two guys. Once again, I had never seen this on Dutch tv, it was new to me..Both of the men were hyperactive, or probably it always seems like that with Turkish people talking. Turkish language is a very fast language and when people are enthousiastic about their own work they talk even faster. The smile on the face of Kerem Gorsev was contagious, I kept smiling at him while he was chatting with his fellow musician. Him, Burhan Ocal, was more the type of Lyle Lovett, he looked very interesting.
What made the interview very fascinating was how they talked to each other, their interaction with each other. The best moment was when Kerem Gorsev, the jazz pianist, told about his new production which would be released in 2011. He explained why it would take so long, which is (according to me) very normal for cd's. But the reaction of the tv-host was GORGEOUS.. He said: I have to finish my cd by the end of this year. The producer is waiting for it, but I really don't know how to manage this.. And while he was saying this, you could see him really worrying. How his guest, Kerem Gorsev, reacted, I really don't know.. because I was still thinking about this worrying tv-host...
But to me this was GREAT TV! These guys were having a wonderful conversation together and by now and then they forgot the cameras were on. For me, as a girl, it was the first time I could witness an ordinary 'guys talk'. Beautiful!! If it's going to be on youtube, I will definitely let you know. Because everybody should see it.
More information about Kerem Gorsev: http://www.keremgorsev.com/bio-e.htm
More information about Burhan Ocal: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burhan_%C3%96%C3%A7al
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Even after all that way (part 2)
Two months ago I wrote the first part of Even after all that way, about my decision to leave my partner for a while and live in the US. I hope you found it interesting enough. The next few weeks you can find a follow-up:
I couldn't think of any problem. But I think people are confused about my relationship: my fiance and I have been together for more than seven years and we still don't live together. Don't know why, not that we didn't want to, but after so many years, for us this is OK. He has a career, I have mine. But above all, I have also a kid. And Hakan and I are happy living together. That's why we live apart. Call it fear of losing your own space. Or losing your own 'life'? Maybe we are afraid of total commitment. Maybe we love our lifes so much. I don't know and I don't care. But it's certainly easy when you have to make decisions like this. Most of the women can't leave their homes because they are 'responsible' for their family. I am too, but I prefer being responsible for my child and myself (and a career!)So for now, I was not responsible for a whole family, so my fiance's daily life was not going to be 'disorganized'. Some people don't dare to ask, but I hear them thinking: are they monogamous? Well, it's not their business, but yes, it made me thinking that, call it again my naivitity, I asked myself: Wouldn't he start an affair with somebody if I live in the US, just because of the sex? Will a long distance relationship create more chance on cheating each other? Probably..but does just being there guarantee that he won't have an affair? It's not something you can control. And if he wants to do something like that, wouldn't he be doing it any way? And by the way, I don't have time to control him. Who does these days?
He will be happy for me. I know for sure. Or not? How do I start?
'Honey, I have to tell you something.'
We talked. And yes, it was a big deal. Holy sh.. Eight months! But he was very happy and proud of me!
I emailed another friend of mine with the same news. According to her, men are supposed to protest when their wives relocate, even when it's for a limited period of time. I know Danielle since we were twentyfive – she was working as a make-up artist all over the world, every season she came back from exotic places with the fanciest stories about being cosmopolite and never wanting to end up in one place. Untill she found her Romeo and got stuck with him and their twins in a two bedroom apartment in Milan. She suggested that I think over my relationship with him. “Does this man really love you?” is what she said. “If he does, why would he let you go for so long?” Oops, could that be true? So this means he doesn't love me?
One by one I had to face with 'the' obstacles. I better start with the one I am responsible of. I call him 'my tail', wherever I go, he comes with me.
My son was ten. Which was supposed to be 'old enough' to understand what was happening. But if I had to believe my friends, I could expect some trouble.
And how do you do that? Tell a ten-year-old that he will be living for a while in another country. 6000 miles away, with nobody he knows, no father, no friends, no family, except for his mother? How did Obama's mother tell Barack she was leaving for a while? It's not exactly the same because I take him with me, but for a boy it's a radical change.
'Hakan, are you ready for an adventure?' I asked my son before going to bed on an early September evening.
'Do you mean I may go snowboarding this year?' he said, remembering me telling him that.
'No, I mean rrreal adventure. Would you like to live in another city, another country in another continent?' I asked carefully.
He looked excited. His eyes were shining.
'Mama has to work overseas for a while and you're coming with her'.
And there it was, all of a sudden, he showed this look which has been there all his young life. Trust. Confidence. That it's O.K.
I couldn't think of any problem. But I think people are confused about my relationship: my fiance and I have been together for more than seven years and we still don't live together. Don't know why, not that we didn't want to, but after so many years, for us this is OK. He has a career, I have mine. But above all, I have also a kid. And Hakan and I are happy living together. That's why we live apart. Call it fear of losing your own space. Or losing your own 'life'? Maybe we are afraid of total commitment. Maybe we love our lifes so much. I don't know and I don't care. But it's certainly easy when you have to make decisions like this. Most of the women can't leave their homes because they are 'responsible' for their family. I am too, but I prefer being responsible for my child and myself (and a career!)So for now, I was not responsible for a whole family, so my fiance's daily life was not going to be 'disorganized'. Some people don't dare to ask, but I hear them thinking: are they monogamous? Well, it's not their business, but yes, it made me thinking that, call it again my naivitity, I asked myself: Wouldn't he start an affair with somebody if I live in the US, just because of the sex? Will a long distance relationship create more chance on cheating each other? Probably..but does just being there guarantee that he won't have an affair? It's not something you can control. And if he wants to do something like that, wouldn't he be doing it any way? And by the way, I don't have time to control him. Who does these days?
He will be happy for me. I know for sure. Or not? How do I start?
'Honey, I have to tell you something.'
We talked. And yes, it was a big deal. Holy sh.. Eight months! But he was very happy and proud of me!
I emailed another friend of mine with the same news. According to her, men are supposed to protest when their wives relocate, even when it's for a limited period of time. I know Danielle since we were twentyfive – she was working as a make-up artist all over the world, every season she came back from exotic places with the fanciest stories about being cosmopolite and never wanting to end up in one place. Untill she found her Romeo and got stuck with him and their twins in a two bedroom apartment in Milan. She suggested that I think over my relationship with him. “Does this man really love you?” is what she said. “If he does, why would he let you go for so long?” Oops, could that be true? So this means he doesn't love me?
One by one I had to face with 'the' obstacles. I better start with the one I am responsible of. I call him 'my tail', wherever I go, he comes with me.
My son was ten. Which was supposed to be 'old enough' to understand what was happening. But if I had to believe my friends, I could expect some trouble.
And how do you do that? Tell a ten-year-old that he will be living for a while in another country. 6000 miles away, with nobody he knows, no father, no friends, no family, except for his mother? How did Obama's mother tell Barack she was leaving for a while? It's not exactly the same because I take him with me, but for a boy it's a radical change.
'Hakan, are you ready for an adventure?' I asked my son before going to bed on an early September evening.
'Do you mean I may go snowboarding this year?' he said, remembering me telling him that.
'No, I mean rrreal adventure. Would you like to live in another city, another country in another continent?' I asked carefully.
He looked excited. His eyes were shining.
'Mama has to work overseas for a while and you're coming with her'.
And there it was, all of a sudden, he showed this look which has been there all his young life. Trust. Confidence. That it's O.K.
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